randyone63's Blogs

I don't know about you guys, but sometimes I am uncomfortable about how much these boys turn me on and get me off.

Especially the guilty pleasure of wondering if, in the vintage and Euro videos, whether they are REALLY of age or not. I am in no way in favour of exploitation, but sometimes they are too irresistible -- particularly when it's so evident they are into each other and what they are doing (not being exploited by a perv). Porn is not known for inspiring great acting... But I am probably justifying this to myself. 

I am older than dirt now (nearly 66!) which is 875 in gay-years.  I am Bi and was married (happily, honestly) for 35 years until I lost my wife a few years ago. Now that I am 'free to play,' the game is over, so I am reduced to the role of ardent spectator. My dick still works but it's like leaving the car in the garage because you lost your license.

When it comes to porn, I like all sorts of guys (and girls, too) so long as they are fit and having fun. But like most if not all of us here, I gravitate to boys. Sometimes this makes me feel like an old creep. Unless I had a lot of money to take the risk of hiring a pro -- I will never encounter anyone young.

When I was 14-17 I first became fully aware of my bisexuality. I could not DREAM of having sex with another boy my age. It was beyond possibility. I grew up in a SMALL rural town (900 people) and fag stuff would get you killed (literally) I moved to the big city and played around a bit with guys in my early 20s - but even in the pre-Stonewall 70s, being out was a huge cultural and social risk. And being Bisexual was barely on the radar as an understood sexuality. Even now, we fight both the straight and gay communities for recognition. By 1980 at 23, I was married and out of the game, though the desire remained. If being married didn't stop me, AIDS certainly did! My gay closet was closed and locked. I only ever told one friend my truth -- not a lover. He was shocked and didn't offer the support I hoped for. He died of AIDS. 

When I watch these boys fucking and sucking, what gets me off is the notion that this is even POSSIBLE. Beautiful young boys exploring and enjoying each other with freedom and passion. They have never known the shame, the stigma, or the danger of being openly gay at their age. I know they all have their personal challenges, but for the most part, they can anticipate a full and happy life. They have the total freedom to suck and fuck their brains out while they still enjoy the potency of a rock-hard young  cock that never says no (theirs or someone else's) and knowing they can cum several times with little concern. I know TOTAL freedom is still not a possibility for all -- but it's closer than it's ever been. Not do I love seeing these young boys in action -- I love knowing they are expressing and experiencing the unbridled lust I could never dream of experiencing at this tender primal age. I would LOVE to have had their freedom. 

The other day, I saw two boys on the bus - about 14, clearly boyfriends. When they disembarked, they walked off casually holding hands. It made me cry and envy the world they get to live in -- and it made me think about all the brave souls who fought for - and literally died - to achieve this freedom for them. II don't know what my life would have been like if I had been 'out'. My loving 35-year marriage certainly would not have been possible. I never told her, and always lived with guilt and shame about my dishonesty - not my sexuality.