ZanyZander's Blogs

I have never been straight or considered trying to be.  I had classmates who got married shortly after high school.  About 10 years later and completely independent of each other they both decided they were gay (although the writing was kind of on the wall).  They divorced their wives and are fathers of several children.  I dont know what they are doing now.  They decided at the time they didnt want to be rejected by society and tried to be a part of a hetero norm.

I think it works for some and not for others.  "It works if you work it". That goes for any relationship. 

If you're gay youve got the same issues!  In a relationship or not? Define relationship first.

Attend to yourself. Know yourself first. Dont be something youre not and dont think only of yourself.

I was in two major relationships.  Each had problems.  The second was better because I was older and wiser.  It was a gay relationship.  We were together for several decades.  Finally were able to get married.  He got ill and passed.  I am glad I was able to get married after a lifetime of being unable to.  I am glad to have married the person I did warts and all. 

I would suggest looking up Jevon and Angelo, a young gay couple on youtube. I will embed their vlog.

In conclusion let me leave you with the lyrics to Green Day's

"When I Come Around"

Should priests, doctors, and lawyers go to jail for allowing and implementing marriage when they know they are all going to fail and destroy people's lives yet they are invested in them happening anyways?

So apparently the way marriages last (which doesn't mean that they work out for anyone or both in the relationship) is not by, through, and with love and respect or friendship.    It has to do with your contract with God.    It is shocking and rather scary no one knows this or gets it.   No offense either as I am not really talking about any of you specifically.    The thing is I know what it was like growing up in a GOOD Methodist church and having to go every Sunday in a shirt tie and coat of which I a genuinely thankful for BUT after hitting puberty at twelve in 1989 I swear if the attendance in our Sunday school class diminished more and more significantly.   And no it wasn't because the Sunday school teachers sucked or what have you.   But honestly this a little over a decade before Super Church (as MTV put it some years back) started to take off where horrible generic Christian pop music would be used that all sorts of families and young people started flocking back like it was the 1950's again.   So I wondered about the people of my age any and everywhere because it was obvious there was a break down in families since the late 1960's (unless someone wants to feel free to say there wasn't) and most of the people I knew (and they weren't necessarily bad people I came from a respectable school, community, etc.) wanted fuck all to with religion, Jesus, etc....at least per se for the most part it seemed.    At least to where it wasn't going to stop them from being drunks, getting laid, and doing drugs however you want perspective of that.    So I wondered over the years...how are people going to get married in an institution that they want nothing to do with, lol?    I think the answer is people are tricked, uninformed, don't give a damn about the consequences even when presented with the evidence (which I don't think most people have as they don't get any of the points to why it works, doesn't, and well, doesn't), and is just socially expected.   That and they are threatened to do so probably by parents and, it wouldn't surprise me, lawyers.    Of course it is an industry that priests and lawyers relish in to no end and you will NEVER hear the truth from any of them but do make one thing clear and remember that beyond what all I have already said and that is that they do not care about you.    If anything they invested in you failing in this institution.    It was never meant to work.    

Years ago I heard someone describe "love" as "Like that's on fire". I'm no one to give positive advice on marriage as the divorce on my 3rd one is almost final. I call my second relationship a marriage because it was 7 yrs long and it would have been a marriage except same sex marriage wasn't legal at the time. Life long relationships are really rare. My maternal grandparents were married 63 years and they seemed happy. I don't really know whether they were happy, content or complacent. To be honest. Though I don't know what either would have done without thee other. My daughter has never been married, has 3 kids from 2 different relationships. She's 41 so she still has a chance for a marriage but doesn't want that kind of relationship. My son will be 39 next week, has 2 kids from 2 relationships. I know he doesn't want more kids or to get married. More and more people are opting to be single parents and do co-parenting with the other parent. I have a friend who chose the sperm donor clinic route, has 2 boys 4 and 7, same father so they would be full brothers, She got to pick the racial background, national heritage, has a complete medical history on the father and his family. If at some point for whatever reason she or the kids decide to contact the father they get to do so. When he donated, he agreed that he would not have the option to directly contact them but could have the donor agency do so should later in life he develop an illness that could be hereditary. Raising kids is a job, we had 2 and it was work and sacrifice, I have to hand it to single parents. If you don't mind me asking how do you plan on having kids, marriage, adoption or the surrogate route? If it's the latter, msgboy could fill you in on that one. If you're not comfortable answering then don't, I was just curious is all.

ZZ the part about not leaving your kids with "someone else who aren't your own because statistically they are going to get and be molested".. All to often it's uncle Bill or aunt Susie's husband Sam or a cousin who turns out to be guilty of molestation.

A little statistic you might be interested in. I kept a fairly accurate track of the average number of diaper changes both my kids got and how old they were when they were potty trained. You're looking at about 5,800 diaper changes per kid.

Marriage is great.  Be best friends, lovers, grow old together.  It's cool & lasts if it is the real thing.  Make sure you share the same values. That's the most important thing.

dont listen to what people say about marriage--some last couple years because they didnt date long--it was just sexual  then others last 40 yrs to 50  or more--my grandparents were married for 58 years both are gone now--one passed away in november few years ago--the other passed away 3 months later---

love and marriage is something that takes two to make it work out--if you love the person you are with and the person loves you then you can be together until death do you part as the vows say--my mom and stepdad been married 335 yrs now--theyve had their ups and downs but worked through it all and now its just cool and pleasant no bickering or anything because they gt past their differences and proved they love each other

Five.    As in years.    Not five in the afternoon though it would not surprise me if that case could be made as well, lol, and shrug.    :)