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It Seems I Am Always Saying I'm Sorry
So, I will start in the usual way, by saying "I'm Sorry."
I know that GBT is for another term for unbearable amounts of beauty and sexiness. The site is, at least to me, nearly unbearable because there is an embarrassing, over-flowing, richness of male beauty. For that, I say; thank you to all of you who bring it to me and make it possible.
Now, for a completely improper and abrupt change of subject. I know this time of year is supposed to be happy, festive, and celebratory with maybe just a dash of thankfulness sprinkled in. Sort of like nutmeg on the top of egg nog.
This time of year for me however is to be endured. Gotten through. Ignored as much as I humanly am able. The reasons are myriad, and boring.
Does anyone else here struggle to get through the "holidays?" Maybe it's just me.
That said; I wish all of you Happy Holidays.
Love n hugs,
Luke
It's interesting to know that there are lots of different reasons for people not loving on the holiday season. I will be spending Christmas eve and Christmas day alone. I have for the last several years now. Yah, I am really getting to the point that I prefer that. Today I drove to Costco to buy two of their pumpkin pies. LOL...that's what I do. I binge watch something on Netflix, eat far too much pumpkin pie, drink a bit of Irish Cream Liqueur and call it a holiday.
To start off, try to stop saying "I'm sorry". I often get annoyed because many people are saying they're sorry when there's no reason for them to say it or for the slightest of reasons. It doesn't sound like you're a bad person, so try to feel good about yourself and try to find things that you like and enjoy this season. And if you can bring a little bit of joy or happiness into another's life, you'll feel better about yourself and the season.
i could have written this blog word for word. for me, i think it started as a very young man in the catering biz. from thxgiving to x-mas....non stop working making everyone else happy. i began to believe that was my life's purpose. that i was less than apart of the human race. christmas was like every other holiday, something i was to be used to facilitate others enjoyment, a slave.
catering days are far removed yet, it is MY "job" to make sure my immediate family, mom, and brothers, are fed and pampered. i am a care giver for mom (it beats putting her in a "home"). so, starting thxgiving through new years the whole "holiday" season is on me. decorations, food, cleanup, the whole thing.
bah!!!!! lol
Wow! What awesome comments.
All of you wrote something that touched a "nerve?" in me. I usually deal with things like this by doing lots of research and reading articles from everywhere. Basically, just a cheap attempt to ignore my emotions by engaging my brain. BTW, it never works. One of the biggest questions on my mind is one that I cannot post here...due to the sensitivity of the subject. (regretful sigh) So, I will phrase it this way instead. I have always wondered if gay men struggle particularly during this season because the Madison Avenue Merchants and every single person or entity with a profit motive literally chokes the "traditional family and old time values" down our collective throats. I have no answers, just more questions.
Sometimes, while staring into space and listening to music, I imagine those of us on this site, being together. Inside or out, day or night, season doesn't matter, just some magical multiverse where we are all together in the same place at the same time; just exactly as we are, warts and all. Would it be like one of those awkward middle school dances? Would it be like some "Iron John" ceremony out in the woods? Would it be like afternoon tea on a grand English Estate like Highclere Castle in England? (That is the filming location for the BBC series Downton Abbey) Anyway, my mind spins out endless variations.
Hmmm, I wandered a bit off topic there. My point was intended to be this; if we could get together would those of us who suffer this time of year with a gritty gut-it-out determination feel happier? I am certain I would. To be with others who share at least ONE interest with me would be such a luxury. Also, let's face it, that one interest could make for hours of conversations and laughs.
So, thanks to those of you who took time to reply and share your holiday tortures with me. I don't have the words to properly convey how much better you (all) have made the blackness inside of me feel. (That sentence is ridiculous!)
With an unexplainable affection,
Luke
I agree, but maybe another me in a parallel universe likes Christmas. I like to think so.
I hate this time of year. I get so depressed I can't stand it. I have no gay friends I can talk to or be with. The loneliness I have to endure is unimaginable. It would be so nice just to have someone stop in and talk.
(crap. I can't use this blog thing correctly yet. I just deleted the whole thing I typed.) anyhow, again:
I know what you feel. I'm the same. I just don't see how people don't talk to each other much then like to get together rarely. I see it as an obligation and ritual, but I definitely do not thing the same as others. I see how there is a religious significance to some.
Do you think you have the introverted trait? I know something this big and stressful will sap our energy and require a big recovery.
I look at this time as when the dreary darkness reverses its course and days become longer. That's something to look forward to! It's the reason for the season! he he
I'm going to myself and others may not think your reasons are myriad or boring, but probably pertinent.
And hey - there's no need to apologize for being a mature human and sharing your feelings. Sharing is caring, right?
I struggle through them. They're a huge waste of energy. And causes too much stress. Decided this year nobody gets anything.
I hate how it comes every several months.
I can't wait until it's over with.