's Blogs

Each person has to decide what is right for them. There is a power in being out. We live in a world that is heteronormative. By being out, we do teach others that we exist and are due some respect.  Harvey Milk once said the most powerful thing we can do is be out. For then we both force others to and can demand of them respect and acceptance of who we are. I understand it is not always easy, or safe. And I respect that. But being gay is a part of who I am, and coming out doesn't mean starting every conversation with TBW, I am gay. But it also means in the course of normal discourse that I will free to talk about my partner, the 35 years we have shared together. No different than a str8 person does. But it does mean I have to come out to the person I am talking to. To your point Kyle that str8 people don't come out, no they don't because they expect everyone is str8 like them, it is assumed.

For the longest time, for me it was on a purely need to know basis, with only the closest of friends or anyone I shared an apartment or house with being someone I'd tell. Plus I used to think, when I was young, "Since straight people don't have to 'declare' anything, why should I be obliged to?'' People sometimes imply being 'in the closet' is bad and the phrase itself implies some kind of 'hiding', but coming out isn't necessary, and keeping your private life private doesn't have to be a kind of hiding. I think it's possible to just live your life how you want to, without feeling a need to tell all and sundry you're gay.

one of my friends does know. i am so far in the closet i cant find the door.

At this point it'll never happen, like, to the family.  I've dated women, and had a near-marriage that was legit and sure made me appear full-straight.  All the women I've dated I've told I swing both ways.  I let close friends "find out".  People assume I'm full straight and I don't correct them.  I don't like the term "bi" because people all have weird ideas of what that means.  It doesn't mean I can't accept being gay, and it doesn't mean I'm just some "progressive" straight guy.  It means I like titties and pussy and cute boy cock.  Call it whatever you want.

But at 40 I can't imagine telling the family unless I settled down with a dude.  They probably know already, too.  But fuck it, I don't want to discuss my sexual tastes with them.

What is coming out?  You want to people to immediatly know you are gay as soon you meet them? I came out to a few people, but I don't see the need to advertise myself as gay.  Me and another guy I knew, we came out to each other through FB Messenger last Sunday, but it does not mean I show up to work wearing a rainbow shirt.

I was never in the closet,  but neither was I fully out. As being a private person.

During a party last year and feeling physically and mentally weak (-due to my mental helth issues), things just came out. I was telling my brother in laws sister about my depression(privately) etc. Then of course people get involved and the whole thing got away from me and resulting in mentioning that I'm bisexual. Basically a fair amount of my family were there, as I sat in the conservatory of my sisters house. 

Before I get carried away. I wish I hadn't.  I like to keep to myself and be private, but couldn't help being weak and vulnerable.

my aunt is gay and lives with her 'friend ' for the past 20 something years. And my cousin (female) is gay too. I say this as I wonder what it might be like to hear someone else come out within the family.but I don't recall there really being a story .

HI...you are not alone...I might still be closeted if I had not come out to a parent ACCIDENTALLY: around age 19....I have lots of friends my age (21yo) who can't come out for various reasons...the thing to do is to NOT guilt yourself about it...that does YOU no good. Live your life as best as possible...and get on with it. When you feel able to (or if by accident) you'll come out one day....or NOT, but DO NO GUILT over it!  ~Justin