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Been feeling a bit discouraged lately
Hi all,
I hope you're having a wonderful week. I was hoping to get some insight from you fine people.
I've been feeling a little down lately. I've been trying to re-enter the libel dating scene -- which is pretty sparse -- and it's really getting discouraging.
You see, I'm probably not what you'd call "conventionally attractive." It seems like nobody even really gives me a chance, which I guess is their prerogative.
Honestly, I'm even having trouble funding a hookup. I'll get people who show an interest and then they'll come up with some reason it can't happen. The last got called in to work. We talked about doing it tonight instead, so I texted him earlier and got nothing. However, he was on Adam4Adam later.
I just can't help but feel kind of bad, like I'm not worthy of any kind of affection. I know that's stupid, but it's how I feel right now.
Thanks for reading my venting session.
I like marshmont's advice we often put to much pressure on ourselves and others. . I also agree with jasechase's comment, confidence is most attractive. I can tell you without a doubt good looks gets really boring without a nice personality to back it up...
be encouraged!
The gay dating scene and gay world in general is obviously looks oriented far more than most of us probably think is nice on the human level, and in that world we all start out with what genes gave us. But I think the effect of human qualities are underestimated. Charm, decency, honesty and just flat out being good in bed go a long way to calibrating how people look.
One thing that has a huge effect is simply the vibe people give out. Unfortunately, just as "the rich get richer and the poor get poorer", people with nice looks receive constant reinforcement, attention, reassurance, flattery and allowances for their foibles which add confidence and increase their ability to be relaxed around others. In other words, if you're good looking you often get the ease of sending out a 'nice vibe' as a freebie on top of that. Good looks leads to good vibe leads to good sex life in an endless loop.
Conversely, not having a great starting package can lead to the opposite of all that in terms of reaction from people, which can make it hard to keep up a nice vibe since even if you do have one naturally it can easily get cramped and diminished and crumbly. Then you run into the kinds of problems you've described.
First thing, dude, is don't ever believe your not worthy of affection. That kind of worth is utterly distinct from how someone looks. I've met beautiful guys who I've actually retreated from having sex with, just as it was on its way to happening, because i found them so repugnant as human beings. Just keep reminding yourself that you're already miles ahead of being that kind of hollow freak, of which are are plenty about. Just constantly remember your good qualities, remind yourself you're an awesome kisser, indulge in a bit of narcissism regarding your human-ness. Find the best and most flattering photos ever taken of yourself and look at them and fix those images in your mind when you go out, reminding yourself that this is what you DO look like, when you're happy, when you glow, when you're at your best, and that someone is going to be lucky enough to catch you looking like that right after they discover how nicely you kiss.
There is someone for everyone so don't stress about that. Having a large community of people who meet your requirement certainly helps. My experience is looks don't matter. I am old and not that good looking but I still manage to pull some hot young guys. To do that I do try and present the best me that I can be in terms of hygene, fashion and personality. But without trying too hard if you get what I mean. Being relaxed, cultivating some friends first, then worry about sex and relationship later. Thats my strategy. It seems to work alright.
that's why I like tricking in parks or bathhouses. I get all I need from that.