's Blogs

Ka Paso Su Way Muchachos:

Pardona mi Engles es no bueno; however, back home, the rancho where as an iho, mi Uncle raised mi and mi siblings it was an especial place and mi Uncle a mui importante hombre.  Es lamma was Pablo Escobar.  Notorioso? Si, he was until La Pepe put a bullet in his head.  They put a bullet in his head.  He die, en mi en mi Brothers and Sisters were going to be murdered as well; then we fled to the land of the free and Casa of de Brave.  You know what I'm talking about, don't you?  De United Stays.  Since we came here, mi familia has been on what you call it, "The Down Low", Yes? Keeping quiet and causing no problemo, we stay out of trouble and enjoy what you probably take for granted most, if not all the time because you don't know anything except how to take freedom for granted all of the time.  You complain about everything.  You blame everyone for your problems, You avoid every respobsibility no matter how great or small.  You take what you want when you want it, you cheat, and steal your way through life stepping on anyone you don't want following you up the ladder, and I am somone who has seen the horror, been there and done that, things which your tiny minds are incapable of el contemplacion.  For what?  I'm the reason for all of your problems, yes?  Mabey?  No?  Perhaps you are too stupido to realise that even if you choose to put a bullet in my head, or not you have still made a choice only a donkee would make. Yes?  Questcion rhetorical?  Perhaps you will think twice once I recieve the hundreds of millions of US dollars available and at my disposal in the blinko of an eye hole.  Si? No? So so?  I'm proud to have made it to the United States, and despite the tens of millions of US dollars used to bribe the officials who organized mi cardo de verde (What gringos call eh "Green Card") There are a lot of people who would pay a lot of money to learn how a boy from a pikito rancho en Mexico overcame mucho adverse consequecion; however, there is more than enough dinero to go around, and anyone who offers su dinero, I expect de intelligencio discourse would be to let me know so mi can pay su compensacion quadrupley guaranteeablo.  I have established a new compound, "Rancho De Grande Gato Loco" en a pikito nondiscloscion locacion near Nevada.  Like mi idoloso, Michael Carlione mi familia esta vivo en Nevada because we want no memory of La Cosa Nostra.  Mofioso no akai we no bueno.  No, no bueno, porkay?  Ccomo si dece in Engles, "We don't want anything to do with organized criminal enterprises, we never have, and we want to live out our lives and spend all od the drug money peacefully.  We may be wetbacks but we paid to get here and if you are kind to us, we will be kind to you too".  Si?  I have already tols su too much, and you should know ahead of schedule that the CIA "Trash the Beanes" campaign have made mi en mi familia targetoso, es simply a matter of what llama should mi lamma en el check or if you like, how mush cash to be treated like a free people(s).  Mi compadre en mi pocket who is El Presidente Trump would not heve won eleccion had it not been for the many donacions mi familoso  put en his coat pocket(s).  It would be unethicalioso supremoso por mi to call mi compadre and say to him, "Excuse mi, Mr. Presidente su and I have mui problemo senior".  Back home on de Rancho, we have a name for that kind of devidual, a "rat".  Rat(s) esa no bueno. No, no bueno bueno, no? Nuh uh, no sir.  So I give you mi word, "Trust Mi as you Trust in God.  If I don't control you, I will, and if I cannot, I will. Even if you don't know it because mi en mi familia es mui importante mui grande importante; moreover, this big blue ball that we are all spinning around and round on belongs to mi, and only mi.  You can't have it, so don't bother asking mi how much because there are not enough pesos to take it off my hands.  I hope I have made myself comprehended porkay?  Gracias Por Favor.  That is all I have to say, so I give mi conclucion Benos Diaz Mi Way Hombres.  Chupa mi pito bueno especial rapido por favor.  My Uncle Escobar who is still very much alive despite the bullet in his head sends his love to los people(s) and his way muchachas with pitos en la CIA.  Alone on an old rusty steel rocking chair crafted from pieces of lfttover sutomotive steel sat the old man once the most notorious man in the World until the CIA put a bullet in his head.  Farting aloud with contempt for morality, the old man can be heaf exclaiming, "They put a bullet in mi head, Pablo Escobar and you still could not kill me.  I am alive, and I am FREE.  Free to do anything I want to do and theres nothing anyone can do"  As his nephew, I am humbled by my Uncles poetry, and so I reply ar rhe top of my Mexican lungs, loiuder than Tarzan could ever hope to exclaim "Pinche Su pinche mi, I don't care what anyone says, you're the greatest Uncle on whatever it is they call this big blue thing we are spinning around on.  Como si dece en Enges, "De Tres Rock from the Sun, not the Son, but the really bright thing that comes out during day.  What they call it?  I don't know the Father? Mother? Big One? It blinded me so I can't see nothing?  You know, Don't you?   Les hope so for your sake iho.  

Kietes su chupa mi chilito, I have money if you like, por foavor mi casa es su casa de Rancho Supremo Numero Uno.  Head towards Las Vegas, you'll find it right under su nose.  We like to viva all night every night muchachos. PLEASE COME STAY WITH US AND HAVE THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE JUST REQUEST THE PASSWORD AND WRITE IT DOWN ON A PIECE OF PAPER.  GIVE IT TO THE MEN WITH MACHINE GUNS AT THR GATE AND THEY WILL BRIEFLY CHECK YOU FOR WEAPONS AND COMMUNICATIONS DEVICES BEFORE GIVING YOU THE KEYS TO THE FERRARI OF YOUR CHOICE THAT IS YOURS TO KEEP THE ENTIRE WEEKEND.