's Blogs

In the ancient Way/Path of the Nordic tribes, Ásatrú teaches a series of 9 virtues to be cultivated by the Ásatrúr . I have been taught these from an early age and they have helped mold me into the fierce conservative and social liberal that I am. 

I just had a divine lesson in being "TRUTHFUL". I'm not going to lie and tell you that I've never lied. I'm positive that we all have lied - a lot -everyday.  Sometimes to get out of trouble or avoid punishment. Sometimes it's in not telling the whole truth about something - "This dirt bike works fine, it just needs a tune up" ... if you can get it to turn over at all and the brakes don't work so well. Sometimes we get into this mindset that the whole truth would hurt/damage someone. I got caught by that last one.

I lied to my boyfriend and lover who lives here in town, Ben. I met the famous Shane here on GBT in December and we quickly feel in love.  Even though we ride the same school bus Ben and I didn't know each other except for our names. In January, after we got back to school from the December holidays, Ben and I met (I will tell you about that in a private message if you want to know details). Within a couple weeks we began a sexual relationship. About the middle of February I began having sex with a girl named Candy. 

Here is the problem ... I love Shane more than anyone, but, since he lives clear across the country, we can't physically touch.  When I met Ben the next month we could touch (and boy did that feel good) but even though I loved him...I loved Shane even more.

When I began having sex with Candy it was an experiment of sorts, to see if I could have sex with a female - or if I would throw up over her! Lol Well, I determined very quickly that I am a bisexual! But I am sure Candy doesn't love me - she has never given any indication that she does except for wanting me to come back. And I really don't love her. I like her as a friend, but I would still rather be with guys. 

Ok, here it is - THE BIG LIE. The only person who knows the total story of who is having sex with whom ... is Shane. Neither Ben or Candy know about Shane or about each other. Candy doesn't even know that I've had sex with guys. It really bothered me when it was just Ben not knowing about Shane. When Candy was introduced I was very upset about my deceit and it ate at me. On Tuesday I had a date with Ben at his house after school. Before we got too far into it I confessed to everything. Right away I knew where this was going to go. He pushed me away and punched me in the chest and asked me to leave. That night I was on the phone with Shane, telling him what I had done and Ben beeped in and we "talked" for 40 min's and he ended the call by calling me a "fuckin' motherfucker!" 

Last Friday he spent the night here with me. Man he felt good ... by the time he left we were both sloshing with the other's semen! Lol  I guess I'll be alone tonight. But that's OK because I feel tons better. I feel terrible about what I did to Ben (and Candy too. I will tell her after Shane comes back...he wants to be here for me in case Candy does a Ben). He is a nice guy and I'm sure he'll find somebody who will love him as much as he loves them. I feel better because I was finally truthful with Ben - I might not be busting a nut with him anymore - but I can take care of myself. Look at the 9 virtues again ... Self Reliance ... Lol yeah I'm used to that.