enigma13's Blogs

A sad story - I hope that you find love again. Affection, from whatever source is to be treasured.

Thanks all three of you for sharing those special moments. I can tell from here how powerful they are when they still hit you.

Oh Hell Deep breath. My story's a little different but here we go.
There are songs and other music that can melt and crumble me down to mush within seconds of starting, but not with the same or any romantic link.

I have never had a b/f because the past 40 yrs, I have spent being simply unaware; and then in denial of my true nature.
During 1973, on a school holiday to Douran - France, a boy called Nigel expressed a serious crush on/for me. He also made this known to other boys in my circle. There were about 6 boys to each chalet and on most nights, the rest were in and out of each others beds or jumping around each one. Nothing really sexual; just boys away from home doing as they do. I discovered then just how affectionate early teen boys can be to each other.

Anyway- I was either just not ready, open or aware of being Gay, and after several attempts Nigel wore me down and I let him sit/lay on my bed.
At that stage he only seemed to want to cuddle and caress me. He made it clear after that night that he wanted much more. He tried again once back in the UK but over time we lost touch. But I often wondered.
Over the years about him- where and how he is.
More recently the flashbacks to that time began; though not the scary ones I get from the RTA. or nearly being hit by a train; when I was a Signalman.
These new flashback were pleasant and made me realise I did have feelings for Nigel then. A lot of my problems arise from the fact that I actually hated myself for not being there for him and that even after 42 yrs, I still miss him very much - and always will.
Last year I began to Come Out on certain sites and this year, to those I thought NEED to know. Some already suspected, and ALL accepted me as still the same person. I have decided I will never reject genuine affection of the sort Nigel offered. I have never been lucky enough to have a Boyfriend.
But if I had before now- It would have been Nigel. But Certain songs may make me think of him, but nothing like the question "Do you have a b/f"?
Pheww! - Jack x

had this experience with celine dions Titanic song. First in Relations now more and more in special situations after up and downs....
I know nearly all chartbreakers durin Relations - there is something in such situations...

I had (still do) special tune for my first bf.. (he passed away). It's a song by Celine Dion and it's called "My Love". Every time I sing at a new event somewhere either near my hometown or further away, I save that song for the end of the show... and dedicate the song to him. My problem there is that the song (and memories) make me cry. Even if for example, I'm in the car (being driven) or a train.. I practice the song.. it chokes me up. Seeing the audiences reaction though makes it all worth it.. because most times I see the people in the front rows all teary eyed. Beautiful song :)

I've never really had a "special song" that reminded me of a specific past BF; I *do* tend to think about certain guys depending on a style of music, or, perhaps more accurately, the time-period of the music. For example, if I hear (the gods help me) a disco song, I'm going to immediately think of my very first "real" BF, since Paul and I got together in the mid-1970s, and I can still see the two of us, in our finest disco clothing, grinding away on the dance floor to the BeeGees. (puts on music to wash mind of the sound of the BeeGees) Other genres and periods do bring to mind other BFs...music is a powerful thing, and can evoke amazing memories.

Interesting that your Stu were years apart in age yet shared similar music taste...my partner is 11 years my senior, and we also have very similar taste in music (although he can listen to MUCH more Country music than I can tolerate....lol)