Sleuth1939's Blogs

Thanks everyone for the advice and commenting on the blog! I really appreciate all the help. But yeah, i just needed to share that with someone, or anyone really. This has been eating at me and causing me to stress out for a good number of years now...

I've never felt any hatred towards myself or felt depression because of my homosexuality. Ever since I hit puberty and began having erections I always felt sexually attracted to other boys. I recognized early on that I was homosexual. I also understood that I was simply wired that way - the same way that someone is wired for left handedness. It wasn't something I chose any more than I could choose the color of my hair or eyes. It was just the way I was. Granted, I could dye my hair and wear colored contact lenses by they would not change who I was below the surface. I would just be living a lie. Fortunately, I never had my head fucked up by religion unlike so many other self-loathing gays who have been conned into agreeing to let other people tell them who they are "supposed" to be. And that is the source of your self-hatred and depression - you are not the person that you have let others tell you who you are supposed to be. You have agreed to give others the power to determine your worth. When you do that, they will always be one up on you and you will always be one down to them. I refuse to give anyone that kind of power over me. Self-acceptance is the key to enlightenment and an enlightened man is never one down to anyone. I might suggest you study Buddhism, particularly the Zen branch. There are a number of videos on Youtube by Alan Watts which are as fascinating as they are enlightening. Through them you will come to view the world and your place in it in an entirely new light and you will find peace and acceptance of yourself. And you will see through other people's bullshit and recognize it for what it is. Always remember - it is better to be hated for who you are than be loved for who you are not. So check out Alan Watts on Youtube then go out and get yourself some dick.

Lots of good advice here. Rather than focus on "accepting" what it seems you already know about yourself. Maybe you need to focus more on what it is about it that create the discord for you. We all internalize and learn things on our journey to adulthood, and as we learn more about what is real about ourselves, sometimes it creates a disconnect with things we fundamentally believe or were taught. Focus on the why you feel uncomfortable with it, rather than seeking to come to terms with it like it was a thing you can turn on and off. Just a thought.

Hi, I see you just turned 21, a bit late but congratulations. hope you are in good health.
Yore still young and are looking for answers to a lot of questions.
The only hint i can give you is do not rush, take time to find out watt you want from life.
There is no fixed road-map to live your life, that's the surprise.
Be young and have fun, embrace life even if the road you are going to take will not always be easy.
Always easy gets boring soon.
Coming to terms with your sexuality will happen, but there is no instant solution.

Hope this helps a bit, and sorry for my limits in English.

Good advice below so far, you can not change who you are attracted to so just accept yourself. If others around you do not accept you, that is their loss. I am still in the closet to most people, such as co-workers due to their ignorance. My close friends know that I am gay and they accept it. If a person is a true friend they should not care what your sexuality is. Just be yourself whenever and wherever you can do so safely. I know that it is not always safe to be openly gay in some settings, such as redneck towns like where I am. But the world has become more accepting of gays as the public learns more about who we really are. Being gay does not make us bad people, please accept yourself whether you are str8, bi, gay, pan, whatever. I hope that you can stop worrying about your feelings, try to give yourself a break and enjoy life!

It depends on what you mean by "coming to terms" with your sexuality. It's become much easier over the past two decades in terms of general societal acceptance (depending where you live). What are you confused about? Do you wonder if you might be exclusively gay, exclusively straight, somewhere in between? Why do you hate yourself? Is it based on input from a relative or friend, or just what you perceive as society's opinion in general? My advice would be to try to apply as much logic as possible. Are you a good person, who wouldn't willingly hurt another? If so, your sexuality doesn't and shouldn't matter, no matter what input you've received from anyone. I will share that this is something I still struggle with myself, but I am in the unique situation of being an older man primarily attracted to very (very) young men. For years, societal input for me has been that I'm a scumbag or worse, and some of this has even come from the gay community. Even someone such as myself who places an emphasis on logic can start to believe this sort of stuff. Don't believe other people when they tell you that you are a "bad person." I still struggle with depression and self-hatred, even though I know the general opinion about my orientation is a lie. Best of luck, and please say hi anytime.

Cole is so right below .If you really do want to come to terms with it and climb out of that hole that you find your self in all the time called depression or self doubt,Learn to love yourself first of all.Just be yourself and no one else.You are one of a kind and if you like guys then just go with that.If your worried that others will hate you or be upset about it,then that is their problem ,NOT YOURS.The ones that support you ,they are the people to hold on to and be around.If your worried about what your family thinks then just find a way to tell them.The sooner you do, then the happier you will be.I think too many guys in the closet just fear the worst scenario but so offen this isnt the case.Remember the first rule LOVE YOURSELF FIRST and accept who you are.

I was troubled for years with that same problem to the point of wanting to take my own life and with the help of people that I met here @GBT and others I finally come to terms with the idea that I can't be labeled I'm attracted to guys and the odd girl but mostly guys but I don't label myself gay, bi or pan those are labels I'm not a jar I don't need a label I'm just me I like who I like it's not a choice and I don't care what other people think of me it only matters what I think of me and I love myself I treat people the way I want to be treated and I don't harm anyone including myself and now I'm content with that.