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Gays: We Must Embrace The Confederate Flag

By John Charles

 I was talking with a good friend about the recent issues with the Confederate flag and he had an idea that was so brilliant in its simplicity that it must be shared:

Gays need to start wearing the Confederate flag when they are cruising.

 Going out to a bar and hoping for some action? Wear a big stars and bars on your shirt or jacket! Want to be a bit more discrete? Wear a tasteful Confederate flag lapel pin! Looking to be a bit less subtle? Consider a Confederate flag belt buckle or, if feeling especially bold, jockstrap. Always on the lookout for fun? Think about a bumper sticker.

 Imagine the terror, the confusion, the sheer meltdown that would occur in a misguided, bigot, racist’s mind when he realized that people, upon seeing his trucker cap, wouldn’t be sure if he was a proud “Son of the South” or on the prowl for sweet, sweet man meat.

 I call upon all my brothers in the gay adult film industry to get in on the action as well. I wish Commissioner Gordon could go to the top of One World Trade Center and turn on some signal that Tiger Tyson would answer so he could make a film when he wears a Confederate flag bandana while he plays leapfrog with a white guy in the back of a pickup truck on top of a Confederate flag. I want Remy Mars, Trapboyy, Ace Rockwood, Ian Rock, and Kidd (sweet, delicious Kidd) to band together and make the finest interracial orgy film with the hottest group of Southern men they can find, all wearing Confederate flags, all sweating and dripping on Confederate flags.

 I want gay couples of all stripes, both interracial and not, to photograph themselves holding hands wearing Confederate flag clothing or kissing in front of Confederate flags. I want the Confederate flag to become equal to the rainbow in the minds of the general public. I want to see the Confederate flag in Pride parades, I want to see it printed on promotional condom wrappers (The South Shall Rise Again!). I want to see it garnishing mimosas at brunches everywhere.

 Now, Wal-Mart no longer sells the flag…but we weren’t shopping there anyway. There are still tons of retailers online selling them and when they realize the burst in sales is coming from gays, they will have to do some serious soul searching.

 After a few months of this, whenever someone tries to defend the flag and says “It doesn’t stand for slavery” they will be telling the truth, because it will also mean you hunger some hot man on man lovin’.

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