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Being Called Gay

Blog Last Activity 11 years ago 455 views 9 comments
<p>A couple of weeks ago I was at the pool with a friend when a wasp landed on the sole of my foot. I quickly panicked because I'm terrified of wasps, bees, hornet, or any other insect that flies and stings. I thought it was just hanging out on my foot, so I begged my friend to look and see. After she let me know the coast was clear, I calmed down and she told me, "Wow, that's the gayest I've ever seen you act." I was pretty upset with this statement. Calling me gay to say that I like men is fine, but calling me gay to say I fit into ignorant, warped stereotypes bellittles me and crosses the line. Being more outspoken than ever these days, especially in the face of generalizations and statements without any foundation, I quickly gave her a piece of my mind. I really don't understand what acting gay, straight, feminine, or masculine means anyway. I'm not an actor, I don't fit into some role. I'm not acting anything, I'm being me.

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11 years ago

Thanks, Christopher! I really do appreciate everyone's input.

11 years ago

Thanks for taking the time and trouble to respond to each of us individually, Ralphy - good, thoughtful feedback is what really makes a blog worthwhile and interesting. xx Christopher

11 years ago

Grundlebunny, generalizations and stereotypes are extremely dangerous because they limit our understanding and stifle growth of the mind. Everyone is a combination of unique experiences and genetics, so they cannot fit into a template (or a shoe). While I appreciate your openness and adding to the conversation, I have to disagree with your philosophy. It doesn't work for me, but I'm glad it works for you. Petrovskyv, I don't really like conflict, but bottling up emotions creates chaos inside of you. I use to be quiet and close myself off in these situations, but I found being willing to address the issue is more liberating. Since she is my friend, I care about her and wanted to show her the error in her thinking. In order to create a world without such abuse, communication and sharing must occur. M4jestic, I can't laugh it off because then I would be condoning it. Isidore, I was angry, but discussing it with her brought about a resolution. She may have felt foolish, but by discussing what happened with her, I prevented future foolishness. I think expanding my friend's worldview and philosophies is necessary, as it is their job to expand mine. Although I'm a huge fan of sarcasm and wit, being passive aggressive wouldn't have brought me the same resolve. I do like the sass in your remark, but I still feel it condones a gay stereotype and makes abusively calling people and things gay acceptable.

11 years ago

I agree with Isidore. Having either the presence of mind or the courage to point out the prejudice in her remark isn't something that applies equally to all of us. We are who we are and with that comes difference. I would have reacted with confused silence, because i can't be confrontational, but I would have been angry and hurt inside and would have likely avoided that girl after that. It would be so helpful if there were a climate of opinion that meant that that comment wouldn't be made and, if it were, it wouldn't hurt, but we all know that isn't the case.

gm4yngr
gm4yngr
11 years ago

Maybe you should have said "I wasn't being gay, I was being fearful, bring me a hot guy and I'll show you me being gay!".

11 years ago

laugh it off... See how she is next time you see her...

11 years ago

The best way to prevent yourself being stereotyped as a result of other people's ignorance is to refuse to allow this to happen. Getting angry is not always the answer. It's often more effective to hit back with an ironic or subtle remark (not always easy to come up with on the spur of the moment, I know), which can make the other person feel small and foolish, rather than seeing that they've got to you. In the situation you describe you could have said: 'Think that's gay? You ought to see me when I'm really at my best'. That would have taken the sting (!) out of her remark.

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