castanho's Blogs

just be you and get out there. Friends and lovers don't drop through your ceiling into your lap. Push away from the TV and computer, Try and get out to a bar or public event that you can talk to people, and above all, if you see someone you like, say hi. Don't miss an opportunity and regret it later, or wish you knew him...go and say hi and strike up a conversation...you never know where it will go. The worst that can happen is he days no...I wish you luck and PM me if you have concerns.-Brillo

Be visible, get noticed, get yourself outside and in to the world of people. Be clean, be polite and courteous, be respectful. Welcome people in to your life and invite others into your life. Avoid attributional bias and base your decisions on fact rather than fiction or here-say.

there are many books and articles written about social disorders. i have lived my whole life to be invisible..a fly on the wall so to speak. if things start to bother you too much don't be afraid to seek pro help. you are not alone

If you could give me any advice or give me some potion that would make people start liking me, or, I don’t know… I just need to know how to socialize or I’m gonna go nuts....

This is very similar to my story of my life until a while ago. Perhaps if you were to accept yourself as you are the mark on your brow might change and the same people who previously recognised you as separate and apart might also then see you as less conflicted by what might be and more accepting of what is. This is hard for me to express and might leave you confused, I hope not. This puts it better...“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn't need others' approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.” ― Lao Tzu. There are many older people here who have much to offer.

since I joined gbt, it has brought out my more caring side, not saying I am perfect which I am not, but you find someone you click with, dont go out looking for anything

Very interesting topic for a blog, Alex - like @Amyntas43 below I only stumbled on it after the event as it were, and very much agree with what he says. Those of us who think more deeply about life and its more agonising questions are in a sense 'marked on the brow', as Thomas Mann says of the young poet in this wonderful novella 'Tonio Kröger' (if you haven't done so already do read it). People sense this, and often tend to avoid us. There's a quote from the Romanian philosopher Émile Cioran that sums it up rather well: 'The only happy people are those who never think, in other words, those who only think the bare minimum necessary in order to live'.

sorry to say, there is no potion, I suggest you just be you...why change yourself for others...my attitude is accept me for what I am or go "f#ck" yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! be happy dude;)

This is a rather late contribution to an old topic (April). Someone here said 'Be yourself'. I's rather, 'explore yourself', 'know yourself' and then 'be yourself'. Despite the difference in years, you are so similar to me. I was shy, and blushing at school, awkward in social situations, hated, and hate small-talk, and really dislike(d) 'socialising' if that means being raucous in a bar, spiking others' drinks and abusing 'friends'. I've concluded that inwardness is a good thing, that ploughing your own furrow and sailing one's own ship is the best. That way you become an interesting and unique person whom others can take or leave, but you will find those who will welcome you for your individuality. I am both solitary and convivial: I think that I could walk to the South Pole and not need a companion (I'd probably be eaten by my dogs), yet I like company. I suspect that your uniqueness, you intelligence, your profundity are a turn-off for many people, but you can, believe me, find some good friends who share your depth. So many students said to me 'I find making friends' difficult, and these were always high-performing athletes, singers, actors, or further mathematicians. It is not they who have the problem, but the jealousy and fear of others. Those with strong intellects and unconventional personalities frighten others, especially if the former have pondered serious matters, have formed a view and want to talk about it. Personally I dislike the distancing respect that I seem to get because I've always been a high-achiever and am now a double-first linguist with a doctorate and a university research post. This is sympathy with you, not boasting. But I have a dozen or so really good 'high-level' friends. So my advice is (1) don't be deterred from following your true nature; (2)forget the run-of the mill, tedious, silly socialising, (3)take up the cello again, and (4)actively try to find a soul-mate or mates by moving in different circles and environments. With empathy, Amyntas

Of course I'm right dude hahaha although my profile says I'm an IT Network Engineer, I never study computer science... I am a Sociologist, Psychologist and Business Major... trust me I understand more than you can think what you go through :) - Live through me some other lemons... I took them and threw them back at someone else's face hahaha. Do the same!

Hi Jake. Yes you are totally right. It is an over generalized response to fear! I would say more: a response to insecurity of others reactions (violent), to gossip, to my future in society. I am sure that all of us have a certain degree of anxiety about what is to happen or to be the moment - the day or the month after. We live in a society that moves very fast and does not let us understand the social involvement patterns because they are permanently changing (in m y opinion). Thanks for your comment!

@Castanho Yep.. I know what you mean. There have been many times when I've just tried to be myself, and be sincere.. only to be pushed away. That's one reason why I love being here on this site. I've been welcomed and made some close friends too :)

Well have you ever questioned yourself about what makes you so shy? Shyness is quite often an overgeneralized response to fear; and it's easy to beat once you understand why you are shy. I used to be quite shy too when I was a kid. And just like you I have a very high up creative mind, I draw, sing, dance, cook and I'm even a filmmaker and I do a lot of other things as well. But I was so scared of people judging me, when someone would want to see my drawings I would be the first to say that I didn't like it - even though I was proud of it. But I was so scared of judgement. And one day I don't know what happened, I just clicked and said fuck it. I decided to put ME first and the others later. Everyone wants to be liked, but that's not going to happen, not in this world or the non-existing other world lol. You have plenty to live for so work on your shyness and come out to the world. Now don't become to flamboyant but stay the same but open up a little.

Hi cybermalemk. Thanks for your advice. I am already what I am or what I believe to be.
However simplicity, sincerity and honesty are not always welcomed – as you well know - .

Hi mophead 2009. Thanks a lot for your kind and lovely words. I really appreciated very very much your comment – statement!

your profile could easily describe me - shy creative appreciative of silence nature beauty - i am a twin and grew up privileged and was encouraged to be the best at colledge but failed and tried to hang out with the guys that partied that failed too i have some great art work i created - i have learnt that to be / know yourself is hard but best and being honest gains respect and that a few people i know realise that even i am still searching for my soul mate - giles

One bit of advice I can offer is "Be yourself." two simple words which don't sound much I know. But, in the end those two words will get you noticed. You sound friendly to me and I am sure others will appreciate that too. Good luck :)

Hi Davey. Thanks for your comment.

I would say that I trust more on myself than in others. Yes indeed I stay more on my own.
The reason is because I don’t like to be hypocrite agreeing with others opinions, earning their jokes that I don’t feel to have any fun or participating in events that in the end finish in alcohol or drugs.
To socialize is very hard and as you say I hope to find at least a virtual socialization here. Thanks for your care!

Maybe you just stopped doing what you love and it sounds like u love to be creative and to write .Im thinking that as you age your spending more time on yr own and less time with friends .We can just look too hard at wanting to be liked so we end up avoiding social situations.
Have confidence in yourself and others why notice it and want to be around you.Welcome to the site and im sure youll make many friends

If you could give me any advice or give me some potion that would make people start liking me, or, I don’t know… I just need to know how to socialize or I’m gonna go nuts. As a child I was really happy, and I was really enthusiastic about everything I did; about cello, about my writing, about drawing, about school, friends, about everything. And since the beginning of Junior High, since I’ve gotten older, I’m not as idealistic as I used to be. I think I see life more as it is now and I’m not as dreamy and creative as I used to be. But, maybe it’s just still in my brain, in storage.