tni01's Blogs

Interesting story Sonic, thanks for sharing....

Hi. I think it depends on a lot of factors. When you are with someone long term its normal to have sex less often than when you first started. In my case right now, I work the opposite work pattern to my bf so we have sex less and jerk off more. I did catch him cybering one time and webcaming and at the time considered that cheating. But now, i would rather he did that and watch porn than sleep around behind my back, as is often the case. You can change it in your own favour. If it bothers you join in. I offered to go on cam with him after I had caught him and he hated the fact i was getting all the attention and flirting back. He realised thats how I had felt and does not do it anymore. If you feel he is not giving you enough attention - be cheeky. When he is meant to come home, get naked and put porn on etc.... Men are men at the end of the day, they can not help themselves - you just have to break the pattern. Why wait until bed anyway to have sex? - thats the worst time when he'll be tired. Mix it up, wake him up in the morning to a blowjob, hit him when he gets in from work with wine and a bath together - always works for me. My BF likes it when I lie naked or bend over while he cums using his imagination as an alternative to porn. If I am tired to have sex, doesn't mean to say I can not do anything to vary it. The more you pressure someone, the more it will more likely turn them off. They will turn to porn etc... as an escape from reality. Change that reality.

i would make suggestions such as looking at porn together. masturbate together. ask him to jo for you while you watch. as i reread the blog it sounds like relational matters. there is some good advice posted. i jo but i can't imagine doing it in preference to sex with my partner. good luck!

@tni01: The way you phrased your question implies to the reader that you were in fact referring to yourself. If not, then others in a similar situation may benefit from my throwing the bucket of ice water of reality in their face. As far as a partner going online for cybersex being cheating? The way I see it, I would be cheated out of his ejaculation. His sperm should either be digesting in my stomach or absorbed into my body by my rectal tissue, not in a kleenex. I have boyfriends because they are the source of the sperm I crave. And if they're not giving me all their sperm, I don't need or want them around.

if you and your partner are having a good and satisfying sex life, it could be he is one of those people who just can't get enough. Can you give more or perhaps encourage him to masturbate on your chest, or face or ass. It's not that YOU are not satisfactory. It's because he is over sexual.. it's not your fault, don't feel it is...just let him go and get the additional relief he feels he needs. hugz paparon xoxo

Hey Swiftjohn, the tread isn't about me personally, posted more as a Discussion piece.

There could be many reason's for a partner to take things into their own hands so to speak, feeling of rejection - easier to quickly release the tension than go through the sexual partner part.

It's a little like the greatly argued issue of one partner going online for cyber sex, many say there is nothing wrong with it, other say it's a form of cheating.

It is not normal for a guy to prefer masturbation to real sex unless he's no longer sexually attracted to his partner or else has some other issues like anger or resentment. Here' the bottom line TNI01. It's over. Time to move on. You had a good run but it's over. Time to find a new boyfriend. Or you could try flying solo for a while and just have fuck buddies. You no longer have a boyfriend, you have a room mate. As time goes on, your are going to become more and more resentful of him so you may just as well end it now. If I'm going to live with a guy, he better be shoving his cock in me and giving me his sperm or what's the use of having him around. There's so much gay cock out there to be had and right now you're not getting any of it. End it and move on. You'll be glad you did.

colette the famous french mistress said that she treated every night of love making as though it was going to be the last she would ever have........

(A) You're not being unreasonable and you're probably feeling confused, rejected and hurt, to name a few emotions that would be natural in this situation. Two years into a relationship is not long and the passionate side should still be thriving. Research shows the initial intense 'lust phase' of a relationship, mostly fueled by our sexual bio-chemicals, isn't designed to last more than eighteen months before it cools off. But that doesn't mean that by two years your sex life should have fizzled to the point of dissatisfaction, as in your case. We never match the same kind of crazy obsessive sexual chemistry as when two people first discover each other in the beginning stages of a relationship, but a couple, with some investment, this should remain hot and excited for years together.

Research indicates that "great sex" revolves around feeling connected, rather than any one physical technique. In your current situation there is a definite lack of connection between you two, not just in your sex life, but in your communication. How can you change the pattern in your intimacy if you can't get through to each other about your feelings?

The way you are communicating about your dissatisfaction clearly isn't working because it hasn't brought about satisfactory change. In a healthy relationship partners want each other to be happy, so if it's clear that they aren't generally a genuine effort is made to work together to fix the issue so that both partners can get back to being happy together again.

Rather than focus on the dissatisfaction you are feeling yourself, try to explore with him what's triggering his dissatisfaction with your sex life.

What does he account for the shift from a great sexual relationship to now, the preference to act as a single man and self service himself? Ask him if he feels the distance and disconnection between you also, and if he'd like to work on reigniting the intimacy. If you can reconnect as a couple in your communication and time spent outside the bedroom, the distance won't feel so great and it will be much easier to initiate sex between you. Build up to this by spending more romantic time together.

If you create shared experiences together that feel good and enable you to feel closer, that will translate into the bedroom. If it doesn't, then you know there is a hiccup or obstacle to your intimacy as a couple that needs deeper investigation and analysis to unearth what is wrong and how you can then fix it. This may require more honesty, and guided by a counselor can be very successful. Do not be surprised at how issues that seemingly have nothing to do with your sex life project themselves into your sexual intimacy and manifest there. While many couples engage in masturbation together and separately, it's not healthy for it to replace shared mutual pleasure to the extent that one partner remains dissatisfied, even after communicating about it. It's not only reasonable how you feel, it's essential that you do something about changing it.