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Straight men often say "Gay is who you love." So they think it's ok to get or give a blow job and not be gay. This is the "light dimmer" effect - there are many shades of grey, but one clarity is the person you love. Many American straight guys think two guys kissing is gay, but a guy getting fucked by another guy is possibly bisexual but not gay. Many eastern European straight guys think that kissing a guy is not gay (kissing friends, family, and such is normal), but a guy touching another guy's ass is very gay. They often think touching another guy's cock is just funny, but not gay.
Gay men often say it's a matter who you have sex with, or whom you touch. Often gay men say any guy who lets a man suck him is gay or closeted gay. This is the light switch effect - it is all on or all off and no room for an area in-between.
Bi-sexual men often say it's a matter who you prefer to live with, since their own experience is that they enjoy both genders for sex and both genders for love. This is the "Captain Kirk" effect - if you can't solve a test problem, change the test.
I think a little bit of all three is close to the answer that fits most people. Sex is not always about love. Two people can have amazing wonderful sex and not have any emotional attachment to each other. In an ideal situation, if you are in love, the sex is really very special. However, you can be in love and not have sex, or not enjoy the sex. In this case, is it possible to be homosexual (enjoy sex with same gender) but not gay (in love with a woman)? Or, is it possible for a man to only enjoy sex with a woman, but be in love with a man?
The best part of life is human contact, making love or rather making sex, and falling in love. Love often hurts. Sex can hurt, too. When you meet the right person, don't let labels or other people decide how the two of you interact and move forward. :)
i am a identical twin but my brother he says hes straight and i say im gay so to be gay must mean something . ( by the way did he choose to be straight or did i choose to be gay .? what if we are all born gay ?.) to my neighbour it means im not the sort of person he wants to live next to - he told his wife in front of me (why?) - to others its a sence of freedom and ok so what - so what does it mean to me ? to be straight or gay - sex is only a part of who we are ? all i know is that in my life i like to do my own thing i prefer interacting with other guys i can relate too ( too few only ) a few women too - no close female friends though and that when basic instinct takes over one guy in the crowd can turn my head guess guess thats down to style and taste and physique :) thats me - btw i have no boyfriend so does that make me not gay re gay = sex comment ?? :):)
On almost everything else you care to think of, from religion to politics to dick size to clothing to views on music you get wide variations (just ask 100 gay men their views on Brad Pitt and you will see!).
For instance if someone were to say "being gay is all about nose rings and wearing outrageous clothing" you could quite easily find a majority of gay men do neither, therefore that is not 'what it means to be gay'.
Being gay is all about sex - it's the only thing we all share - everything else is just conversation
The term was originally used to refer to feelings of being "carefree", "happy", or "bright and showy". The term's use as a reference to homosexuality may date as early as the late 19th century, but its use gradually increased in the 20th century. In modern English, "gay" has come to be used as an adjective, and as a noun, referring to the people, especially to males, and the practices and cultures associated with homosexuality.By the end of the 20th century, the word "gay" was recommended by major LGBT groups and style guides to describe people attracted to members of the same sex. At about the same time, a new, pejorative use became prevalent in some parts of the world. In the Anglosphere, this connotation, among younger speakers, has a derisive meaning equivalent to rubbish or stupid (as in "That's so gay."). In this use, the word does not mean "homosexual", so it can be used, for example, to refer to an inanimate object or abstract concept of which one disapproves. This usage can also refer to weakness or unmanliness. When used in these ways, the extent to which it still retains connotations of homosexuality has been debated and harshly criticized.