Alex17's Blogs

The first boy I truly loved I used to call my Eagle. I was so madly in love, so full of hope and optimism for the future. I've grown since then, and I know he has as well. I've been in other relationships, made many mistakes and had my heart broken many more times. Unfortunately I'm single again. And the first one really does cut the deepest. I still think about him from time to time, and I have a better understanding of why things ended. It was unfortunate, but it seems I'm predisposed to have relationship troubles, I'm a sensitive soul at heart. Different reasons lead to my recent breakup, It's been extraordinarily difficult for me, but I'm able to learn more about myself, and the type of guy I need in my life. Love you Rus

lol@damien my message didnt say you were to cynical to be in a relationship it said you are cynical about relationships. I am sure one day you will make someone a great husband lol the age is irrelevent its meeting the right person at whatever age it works for both parties xxx

Stepehen - the reason i aint been in a relationship aint beause i am cynical but because i am to bloody young! haha; i only turned 18 a couple of months bak, just left high school an startd my first real job 6 weeks ago an i'm jus getting warmd up haha - an im sure there r lots of 18 yr olds on here in the same boat an to young for relationships (whether they relise it or not). Just my opinon babe :)

Damien you are so cynical there are a lot of relationships that have been going since WW2 but i guess the real thing is if you never have a relationship because it might break up or because break ups happen then you miss out on so much of the great things that come with a relationship while its true 50% of marriages end in divorce that still leaves a lot of happy long relationships I dont knock you for not wanting one there are drawbacks and you have to be mature enough with your expectations to make it work but it also has a lot of plusses too. Sure there are times I would like to screw around but none of them would be woth giving up what I have today. If my relationship were to end tomorrow yes it would break my heart but I would never regret one minute of it and I know like everything I would get over it but I would always have sweet memories of those special years. Stees xx

I hav nevr been in a relationship - or wanted to be - an i think the reason for breakups an broken hearts is the unrealistic (an kinda naive) expectations lots of younger guys my age seem to have "Living happily ever after"-wise, let me explain...I can expect to live until the year 2080 (the centenary of the Moscow olympics noone turnd up to haha, an the hostages in Iran); that is as far in the future as nuking horoshima was in the past. If u didnt study history at high school i sugest u get a history book an look it up.
That is how long i - an all the other young guys on here - can expect to live; with new medical things an healhy living we could all live another decade (the centenary of the Berlin Wall comin down).
U need to sit bak an ask yourself how likely is it that a relationship/mariage which startd at the end of WW2 is still going?
My point is this - because u r goin to live so long any relationship is likly to end eventually (an yr heart broken) unless u were relly lucky. So if u an yr boy r "planning our life together" understand that lasts as long as from WW2 unil now; he may not be keen on mapping his life out many decades ahead.

alex ur not alone it happens to everybody esp if it's more one sided n u care more than he does

I met a man when I was 15 yrs old he was much older than me in his 50s I met him on the internet he told me he was 35yrs I went to meet him after talking to him for weeks online it was obvious he was using old photos of himself but I didnt care I had already fallen in love with him prior to meeting him due to our online talks. After seeing him for a few weeks it became increasingly obvious he was hiding things from me he never took me to his home and never gave me a home number and was only available to see me once a week he kept asking me to bring friends with me to his hotel room. I dont know why he treated me badly but i still loved him and was willing to drop everything and see him whenever he wanted me too. After a few months I was totally suspicious of him and made a 2nd profile on the site that I met him on within 2 days he was messaging me telling me he was single so I made a date with him and showed up at his hotel he was so shoked when I showed up I was so upset and cried for days over him. Turns out he was seeing more than just me and was in a long term relationship with a guy twice my age. I was heartbroken and vowed never to fall in love again haha that didnt last. I dont regret it only because it taught me very valuable lessons about trust and made me feel things I had never experienced before. I still talk to him online occasionally and he is now on his own and a very lonely person full of regrets.

unfourtunately when i was in denial of my sexuality, i let my heart get ripped out of my chest by women. 5 in total. that is why to this very day i will never be able to be with a woman again. i live in a small town that is very homophobic. so thank god for the internet. women have pretty much destroyed any hoopes of me ever having a relationship with male or female!!!!! man woman are awesome at destroying men!!!!!!!!!

just foolin around on facebook with guys i met half way round the world...i get a fri req.. from sum1 i had checked out b4...several times. not knowing fully the cultures of other nations i hesitated to add him. but now, here he was..adding me. i accepted and within seconds..i get req to add him on yahoo msgr.. omg!! every day..for hours we chatted.. even with the time difference, we were as close as 2 could be.
i had no way of going to visit him and he had no way of coming here... i wanted the best for him. the day came i told him i didn't want him to love me. that i wasn't the 1 for him. he needed sum1 to get him out of his home country of cambodia where he faced an arranged marriage with a girl he would not know or love.
i encouraged him to look the world over very carefully of course. and sure enough... a wonderful man from hamburg, germany found him. that's been almost a year and a half since they met.. and know, they plan to live as a married couple by june of 2013 in hamburg.
i cannot get past my love for him and move on. i see the way he loves this guy and it makes me love him even more! i'm am so very proud of him and pleased that he has found such a gr8 guy who seems to be as crazy about him as i am.
i could have been selfish at the time..but that's not love. and now i think the 1 that got away is the last there will ever be. and you know what??....i would do it all over again and again!!
i love you till the day i die sihavann....xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

You guys are the best for sharing here . :) love you so much ...

I had my heart broken by my first love back when I was 18. We been dating for 2 years before it happened. Everything was going great till the summer of the 2nd year when he got accepted into a university out west. I was hoping he would of chosen the local school but that never happened. We still were good friends for a few months after but the time difference was getting to me since I would stay up till 4 am talking to him and only getting a few hours sleep at night. A few months after not talking much he found a local guy a started dating him and is still together today. And to boot he still living out west and is loving it. Well Rus if you need someone to talk to I would not mind to talk to you just message me your yahoo or MSN address if you use one of them since it seems like we have similar stories.

Ruslan...I have shared my story before, but when I was young, the first boy was older than me....I believed it was love..and we would go on...but that was in a time when there were no out gay men...and being gay was bad....and while I was comfortable in the who I was....it was clear he was not....and when his parents found out about his gayness and confronted him....he was gone...he took his own life....and since no one knew about us, because it was the love that is not spoken....I grieved alone....and I still carry that pain with me today...it doesn't burn like it did...but it is still a glowing ember that flares at times to remind me of what was not to be.....

so many times that I think my heart is near to be stoned...and it's always difficult to start new relationship -even if you're totally in it- because old and not so good memories... time is only helping but normally it takes too much time :(

The very first Boy i truly loved Chris :) Been almost 3 years now . Wow how time can zip by . He was a guy i would run to just for the sound of his voice . My heart would race like crazy out of control at the mention of even his name :) Silly i know but so true :) We had such big plans and dreams of a life together . Time went by and our love grew and grew . He was a few years ahead of my . So he would be going to Uni before me :( He left and we made promises of talking everyday with out missing even one . We did that but he had other friends now . I could not seem to hold onto him as i once had :( Then the day comes and i could see it coming and knew even before he told me ..... Of course he met someone at Uni and i was told it was not working :( That he could not see a life with me any longer :( I did everything i could think of to convince him he was wrong . That i was his one true love and he was mine . I begged and cried and did it all :( He listened to me but his heart was not moved . He was no longer mine and my life was unclear . My heart was crushed and broken . I was nothing it seemed i was so small ... Anyone who knows me knows i am a confident sure strong boy ... In this case i was not :( Time friends told me will make it better . All i saw was a fog and nothing before me . In the end the friends who lifted me up. Who checked on me . Who told me i was loved by them and others . The people who i love like my Bros :) I leaned on them and in time the fog cleared and light returned . Dose a broken heart hurt ? umm ya lots and lots . Would i trade it and never have loved him? No way !!!! My love for him helped me and changed who i was. I am not that Boy of 3 years ago. I am stronger and better because of my broken heart . Thanks guy for listening to me :) Peace out Ruslan

Bit down ya but thats not what this Blog is about . I guess i was just thinking about a time when my heart was broken . So really this is about that time and that first love i had . Thanks dude for asking . So i will share with you guys of a time when my heart was broken . :(

R u ok Alex? has somthing happend? HUGS